On the back of a discussion the other day – the topic turned to children – the issue of post natal or postpartum depression as its now called was brought up and the subsequent effects this has had on women and their partners – this ranged from barely any symptoms to the extreme opposite. During this discussion I had mentioned a show my husband and I went to see a few weeks back and it covered this topic – sounds quite heavy but I genuinely had a range of feelings – I laughed a lot and also felt quite emotional because the situation resonated with me massively as I am sure it did with others and no matter how old you or your children get – the whole process of going through pregnancy and birth stays with you.
I can remember after having my son, feeling low, emotions all over the place and being quite scared. Of course it’s scary as a new parent – the first day home I burst into tears and thought how do I do this? – this baby is going to rely on me for everything – the most scary experience! To be fair my pregnancy was pretty mundane but then went through a pretty horrendous experience during a prolonged labour and birth and wasn’t sure if that was why I was feeling the way I was. I can remember at the time I was told it was “baby blues” and I would be fine!!! So as you do, I got on with it – millions of women have children every day and cope and get on with things – why should I be any different!!!
It wasn’t until after my daughter was born, I experienced a scare during the pregnancy and then faced another pretty horrendous labour and birth – and once more my emotions were all over the place – but worse……and again, I tried to just get through it. As time went on it was apparent I was not in the “right frame of mind” (whatever that’s supposed to be) – the only way I can describe it was I was looking at myself saying something or doing something and questioning why? but not being able to do anything about it. Still to this day there are some parts that I find difficult to think about because it just wasn’t me. I am glad to say that the issue of bonding wasn’t affected and I was very lucky to bond straight away with both my children. However, I still didn’t feel “right” and went to the GP a couple of times and again was told it was only “baby blues” and “it’ll pass“. My daughter must have been about 2 when I went to a new GP, who listened to me and diagnosed that I was suffering from post natal depression (I had no idea it could last that long but apparently because it had never been dealt with originally and the fact I kept trying to ignore it – didn’t help). I know there are millions of women who go through this and much worse, and some are still being told it’s “baby blues“. I honestly believe they shouldn’t use that term – in my humble opinion, having children has a massive affect on you both mentally and physically and shouldn’t just be brushed off and what I have also found after talking to others, is that (dependant on medical staff involved), there are some things that haven’t changed, which is quite sad considering how far we have come as a society with regards to our mental health and how much more we know.
I can only speak for my own experiences and am grateful for a loving and supportive husband and family. I am also incredibly lucky this had no impact on my son and daughter……..but things could have been so much worse. It’s not for everyone but for those that do, having children is supposed to be an amazing life event, and for most people it is. I don’t take for granted one single minute of how lucky I have been, bearing in mind the millions of women who go through agonising times with either trying to conceive or learning they cannot have children. I can’t even imagine what that might be like. We should all be aware when we have friends and family who have recently had children that while it is an amazing time for celebration – it can also be a roller coaster of emotions and not everyone can deal with the journey!! There is plenty of help out there – we just need to learn to ask for it.
60's fit and not ready to quit 